THINKING OF MITTY STILL

I dreamed last night that my cat Mitty was still alive, that I had made a mistake, that it was some other cat who just looked like him that I had found dead.  I dreamed that he had come home and was lying on my bed, curled up against my legs like he used to–it was so real to me that I thought it was real.  But of course, it wasn’t.  He is dead.

Last week, before he was found dead on Tuesday, I had such a sense of urgency–I just felt so antsy all week.  I made sure I put food out every night and over the weekend, I stayed up until 2:30 in the morning trying to see what animal was eating it, but I never could–they only ate it after I went to bed.  Sometimes, in previous weeks, I had seen the animal(s) eating the food, but it was never Mitty. 

All but one of the sightings of him (there were three) were in the general area where he was found, so close to home.  Oh, if only I had gone back to more of the houses to ask again if they had seen him!  I had been twice to the house where he was found and the lady told me that she never saw him at all until she saw him dead in her yard on Tuesday morning.  And if only I had asked the people who had seen him if I could call his name and maybe even put out some food for him and hang around for awhile, but I didn’t–I felt like they would think I was crazy.  I had driven around a couple of times at night close to where he was found, but if only I had parked my car on that road late at night a few times and just sat and waited–I might have seen him!  The truth is, I just wasn’t assertive and courageous enough to save my cat.  I failed him terribly. 

I did more than most people would have done, I know, but I didn’t do enough.  It’s just eating me up that my baby died in pain, alone, and never knowing how much I missed him and wanted to find him.  I rode around for weeks with his carrier and some canned cat food in my car, just in case there was a sighting or I got a phone call about him.  lt’s going to take me a long time to work through this. 

The night before I found out he was dead, I asked God to please let me find Mitty if it was His will.  He answered my prayer, but just not how I wanted it to be answered.  Now I have to ask Him to help me learn to accept it and forgive myself.  Right now, everything is pretty bleak, but I know it will get better.   Other people have suffered so much more than me and I am grateful for my other two cats, the people who love and support me, and for just being alive. 

HEARTBROKEN–MY MITTY IS GONE FOREVER

I received some very sad news today.  My 14-year-old cat Mitty has been missing for seven weeks.  I’ve been searching this whole time, going door-to-door passing out flyers and putting ads in the paper and everything I could think of to find him.  There were a couple of sightings of him during the first week or so, but nothing lately.

About two weeks after he had been missing, they started logging the woods near my house to build a new highway.  After they finished logging, then they started bulldozing.  I believe that Mittens was scared further away from my house by all of the commotion, plus he couldn’t find his way back because most of the woods were gone after all of the logging.

He was found dead today in the driveway of a house about 1/4 of a mile from where I live.  It was a house where I had left a flyer with his picture and my phone number.  As soon as the lady called me and I went down to look at him, I knew it was him.  He had not been hit by a car; he had a small wound on his side and I feel like maybe he was attacked by a hawk or something and died of a heart attack–there was no blood at all.  My brother came over to help me get him home and bury him. 

I had prayed that Mitty would come home or that at least I could find out what happened to him.  I am so sad because I’ll never see him again, but I’m glad to know that he is not in pain.   When I saw him, he looked about the same size that he used to, so at least I can feel that he wasn’t starving.  Maybe some kind person was feeding him; I’d like to think so, anyway.  

I’ve posted his picture before, but here it is again:

MY CAT MITTY

He was well-loved for 14 years and will be desperately missed. 

FRIDAY NIGHT NOSTALGIA, ETC.

This evening, on a whim, I decided to watch a Netflix instant movie.  For some reason, after looking through my queue, I fancied seeing the movie “Little Women” again.  I watched the version that includes Wynona Ryder, Claire Danes, and Susan Sarandon, but I like all of the versions that I have seen. 

When I was growing up, Little Women was one of my favorite books.  After seeing the movie again, I remember why.  Everything that you need to know about the human heart (a woman’s heart, anyway) can be found in this story.  After alternately laughing, crying, and feeling quietly satisfied for the past two hours,  I now want to go back and read the book again and savor every lovely and agonizing detail. 

I’m still having issues about my cat who has been missing for the past six weeks, but I’m slowly reaching some kind of peace about him.  I put food out on my porch most nights and someone/something is eating it–probably not him but it comforts me to think that it might be him.  One night, I set a  humane trap in my back yard, baited with tuna, hoping to catch him, but instead I caught a black-and-white ‘tweenie (between a cat and a kitten.)  The poor thing was scared to death–of course I set it free, but I’m not sure that I have the heart to do that again. 

Recently, I read that someone saw their missing cat crossing the road in the company of a deer.  I’d like to think that my Mitty is out there running around with all his animal friends having the time of his life.  If I can just hold that thought…

My students are awesome this year–I’m so happy to be back at my school and I just love those kids.  One of my students gave me a bookmark just today that he had made out of construction paper and crayons that said, “I love you.”  I am so blessed to have the chance to be a teacher, but my kids teach me more than I teach them!  The Rosetta Stone progam that I’m taking is helping me so much with my Spanish–I’ve already been able to write a couple of notes home to parents.  My ultimate goal is to be able to speak with them, though.

I haven’t been drawing, painting, or writing at all lately–there has been no creativity inside of me.  Not sure why, but I think maybe I’ve been too sad about my cat.  Maybe that will change now.  I hope so.

 

 

MOVING ON BUT NOT GIVING UP: STRIKING A BALANCE

My cat Mitty is still missing.  He’s been gone for a month now and I’m slowly becoming resigned to the fact that I may not recover him.  I believe that he’s still alive  because I have no reason to think that he isn’t (other than the fact that most of the woods near my house have been DEMOLISHED over the past week or so.  It looks like a wasteland.)  Unless he was sick or injured, though, I believe that my smart cat Mitty ran like the wind if he was in the woods when they started logging. 

I spent most of yesterday running off new flyers and driving around nearby neighborhoods going door-to-door dropping off flyers and talking with residents about Mitty.  So far, no new sightings since August the 12th.  :( 

Here’s something amusing, though.  I used up tons of my printer ink to print flyers that said, “Have you see me?”  instead of “Have you seen me?”  Haha–silly me, I didn’t even notice it until my sister pointed it out to me after I’d already given out some of the new flyers. 

I’m not giving up on my baby, but I’m going to try to stop obsessing about him so that I can devote some of my energy to other things that are equally important to me but have been placed on the back burner because of my pain over his disappearance. 

Here is one thing I’m excited about, well, actually, two things!  First, tomorrow is my first day of class with my new students and second, I have the opportunity to learn Spanish because my school has purchased a subscription to the Rosetta Stone program for me and some of the other teachers.  My school’s population is at least 50% Hispanic and it will mean a lot to me to be able to communicate better with parents.  I don’t expect to be able to learn to speak Spanish that well, but just learning how to comprehend, read, and write it better will be a huge help to me and such an outreach to the parents.  It’s going to be a great school year.  Now, if only Mitty would come home all would be well.  

MITTY IS STILL MISSING :(

I haven’t found my cat yet and I’m beginning to think that maybe I won’t.  Oh, it breaks my heart.  They’ve been logging the woods near my house  this past week and I can’t help but wonder if my baby got trapped and was killed by falling trees or logging equipment.  I haven’t heard any news about any possible sightings of him since August 11th.  Today was my first day back at work after being off all summer and I felt especially sad when I got home today for some reason.  I guess it seems like now I won’t have as much time to look for him and that everything has moved on back to the normal routine, just business as usual, and that he’s been left behind. 

He’s 14 years old, he’s overweight, and he’s lived his whole life indoors; can he still be alive?  I hate the thought of him being afraid or hungry or in pain.  And most of all, I feel so sad that I was gone to the beach for the whole week before he disappeared.  Mitty was probably upset because I was gone and maybe he wouldn’t have wandered out the accidentally-left- open  back door if I had been there.  I guess I’ll never know.  Here’s a picture of my handsome fellow below.  He’s holding his favorite toy mouse in his paws.   I miss my Mitty so much. 

 

MY CAT MITTY

GOOD NEWS AND TEMPORARY SETBACKS

Okay, the good news is that it appears that I do have a teaching job for this school year.  Yay!  I love my school and I would hate to have to leave it.  The setback is that I’m not sure that I’m going to be able to start this Wednesday, which is our first required workday.  It’s been a not-so-great week.  Well, let me backtrack. 

The beginning of this week was great, because I went out door-to-door in neighborhoods within a half-mile of my house, talking to residents and distributing flyers of my missing cat.  While doing this, I found two cases where people thought they had seen my cat within the past couple of days, so I felt really encouraged. 

 Then I had to stick around the house for a couple of days while I was having my kitchen refloored and some other work done.  Unfortunately, the people who redid my floor scratched it all the way across when they put my appliances back in place, which is a little disturbing since I spent all that money to have my floor look nice, but in the grand scheme of things, it’s not really THAT serious.  It is, after all, just a floor. 

The bad news is that I’ve had a relapse from my surgery and I’m in so much pain that I’ve been having to take my prescribed pain medication, which makes me simultaneously groggy and nauseous.  I have an appointment with my doctor on Monday, but I’m very concerned that I won’t be able to go back to work on Wednesday.  It also bothers me tremendously that I haven’t been able to look for my cat or pass out any more flyers over the past two or three days because I’ve felt so sick. 

Yes, I know.  Whine, whine, whine.  The bottom line is, though, that I don’t really care about my floor and I don’t really care that I’m sick, but I DO care about not being able to look for my cat.  I feel like I’m letting him down and that if I don’t find him soon, it might be too late.   It’s terrible to feel so helpless. 

But I know that when I feel better in a few days, I’ll be right back out there looking for my cat and who knows, maybe I’ll find him.  I would be so happy!